One week into treatment!

Well, hello again. It has been a while since i blogged. There was some kind of technical problem with my account. Anyway, I finally figured it out.
Well, tomorrow will be a week since my first treatment. And God has given me the strength one day at a time, one hour at a time to get through this. It has definitely not been easy but Hehas given me strentgh, hope and grace for each day. Eleven more weeks to go in the first leg.
The treatment itself wasn't so bad. I have this wonderful port under the skin in my chest which makes things much easier. the worst part was the numbing and pressure but just a stick and it was done! My wonderful surgeon, dr rawlings put it in when he did the lumpectomy. It was funny, the whole time I was hungry, munching on sandwiches and cookies and Roger kept sticking freezy pops into my mouth when i got the "red devil" as instructed by the nurse. I honestly think it was harder on him than it was on me. He really does love me a lot. it's funny, i don't remember much of that night, think it was some of the stuff in my i v. my mom came over with chicken and dumplings though and i ate two bowls then kind of out of it. I also took this 120 dollar pill the first few days that helps with side effects, but guess what, the research nurse has gotten it paid for for all my treatments! The next day was not that great, flushed and hot feeling in face. {I found out they had also given me a steroid which i don't tolerate well!} Think i napped a lot that day. the next day I felt really good for most of the day and did okay the rest of the week except for some nausea , headache and fatigue. I was able to put in a half day's work which was a blessing. As for work, my research nurse told me to live life as usual, just use hand sanitizer and tell anyone sick to stay away! No isolation or mask as long as levels are okay. first finger stick count fri was fine! Praise the Lord! it would eally effect my mood if i could not do my job since it "breathes life into me" , will tell you more about it later.
Big event today, my granny turned88 and we had a big party. saw lots of relatives i usually don't see, hugged a few and just used sanitizer. It was worth it. I also was invited to the third birthday of one of my clients. Her mom and I have become great friends and it was awesome to spend some time with them.
I also got a pedicure! I now only get one a month because of my finances so it felt sooo good. the massage chair was wonderful, darling. Did I tell you my friend cut my hair short for free and put a hot pink extension in it. And some of my friends are getting them for breast cancer awareness. It is so awesome when you see Jesus through people, their acts of kindness really touch me deep inside.
Have you ever listened to Michael Combs? I started off my morning with listening to him singing Not For Sale which I on my facebook. he is a truly annointed gospel singer who really inspires me. The other song I listened to was Ray Boltz, The Anchor Holds. It is a classic! God really speaks to me thru music.
Well, I'll wrap up for tonight. I wanted to summarize my first week of treatment. I have been sleeping well, that's a praise for me since I am an insomniac at times. I have some new pics of my hair that I'll try to post tomorrow. love you all.
Isaiah 40:31

have the blues!

hey. made it through today. don't know what's going on but have had a headache and fatigue today. I had to go to memorial first thing for a cardiogram and labs. i then got meds filled that i'm to start before mon. I had a six month review with one of my clients then headed home. got ready but didn't go to church. tired! another thing, i have this wierd kind of rash on my right breast where i had the surgery. it is almost like bruising or blood vessels. My surgeon is going to check it in morning. then a day of tests, tests, tests ( ct scan, bone test, etcc) to be ready for mon. I will be there most of the day. However, i will get a massage between tests. they are free for us at the breast center! Also, gonna get my hair cut short tomorrow. my mood today, kind of solomn and thoughtful, a little down. need to get in my Bible before bed. Hope you all have a good night!

a few thoughts and update

Hello everyone.
I have had a good day. Made a home visit to one of the families I help. Came home and ate lunch with my son. I have a meeting at four for work and then my daughter is coming over for dinner. I also think roger is coming over! Busy is good for me right now.
Well, i will definitely be doing the clinical trial. I will find out mon whether i will get the standard treatment of the trial med during the last leg of the chemo. The first four months is the same for both. I really don't know which to pray for! my doc seems really impressed about the new drug that's already used to treat some breast cancers. I get more tests and scans tomorrow and thurs then i will be ready to start treatment on mon. inbetween, i have 3 meds to fill to help with side effects. also i'm to bring popsicles and drinks to eat or drink during treatment. this is supposd to help with mouth sores. ouch! but for the most part i'm ready. by friday i'll feel like i've been through the ringer, i'm sure.
God has given me a peace about everything today, isn't he awesome!
You know if He was small enough to be understand, he wouldn't be big enough to be worshipped!
Hugs to you all!
Michele

A few thoughts.....

Thank you so much Kathy, you were the first to comment on my blog. I am so thankful that I have gotten to know you and Bob. And I remember coming in your office and inviting you to MRBC! Yall are certainly an asset!

Well, had a good day. Both church services were wonderful. I went to a 50 year anniversar, rog's uncle's, rested then back to church! Don't know what's going on today, feel a little run down, maybe just fromt he trip. Hope I am not coming down with something with treatment in one week! I think that i am having a little anxiety over it too. Just feeling a little achey and stomach is kind of icky. I have two appointments. Tomorrow I go to talk to someone to find out more about a chemic trial which will be the last leg of chemo. Then on wed, they will do an echogram on my heart. I have my first two hour treatment next mon. I am a little anxious. I think I will be better once I am through with the first one though, it's just not knowing what to expectt! Then i won't have another for three weeks. So , that's my update for now. Just pray that I will keep my focus on God and know that he hasn't given us a sense of fear, but of power and that I will find the peace I felt at the beach, just being still and knowing that he is God.. thank you. good nite.

Hello everyone. I just got back from a wonderful trip to destin, fla. this was last minute before i started treatment since i don't know how i'm gonna react to it. there is something about being at the ocean that makes me feel close to God and realize how big he really is. favorite moments were sitting under beach umbrella reading with ocean breeze blowing and floating out in the water on a calm day being rocked by the waves. it reminds me a line of a song " i felt like a new born baby, cradled up in the arms of the Lord" that 's what it felt like. amazing.

Did I tell you how everyday a new praise and worship song comes to me depending on my situation and how I am recalling verses i never knew that i had memorized? It's true, sometimes first thing in the morning and sometimes during the day . it's like they have been stored and ready to be played when needed! Psalms 19 :1 talks about hiding God's word in your heart and the BIble talks about how will it will come to you when you need it. this is so true! everyday God puts verses in my mind to help me get through the day. This is amazing to me but then again, it is our God who made the universe!

I want to end by telling you how much I have grown through this valley. I have already told you about the songs and scripture coming to me. I am spending more time in the word and it is so addictive! i have started a little journal to record verses that have meaning to me. but there are so many! I am learning to "Be still and know that he is God." I appreciate every moment and don't take it for granted. I have taken inventory of myself and learning how to really pray!

Well, you are probably tired of reading. please leave me a comment
Michele

Even in the valleys the light shines through!

Ok. I'm back.
To make a long, long story short, about four weeks ago I found the dreaded lump on my right breast. I went to my gyn who sent me for an ultrasound who sent results back to doc who made a referral to the Mary Ellen Breast center at Memorial. There I was biopsied, diagnosed with invasive glandular carcinoma, sent to oncologist to discuss treatment and scheduled for surgery. Two weeks ago, I had a lumpectomy and lymph node removal. Answered prayers, the lympth nodes were all beneign and the tumor had clear perimeters. the surgery wasn't bad and I quickly recovered. The bad news is that because of the type and size of tumor, six months of chemo treatments three weeks apart is highly recommended to reduce the chance of having a nother tumor. On the last two weeks of this I will be part of a clinical trial of a brand new type of chemo that targets cancer d n a. (exciting huh?). Then radiation for a few weeks and i'll be back to my normal life!

So.. I found out today that my first treatment will be two weeks from today following my short vacation to fla with Roger, my love and zack (my son) and his son, Garrett. The other not so good news was that within two to three weeks of treatment I will lose my hair, all my hair. Ouch!!! I have been letting it grow out for months for mine and roger's wedding this year (which we haven't set a date for). So much for those plans. Doesn't that just show that God laughs at our silly little plans! BUT the good part is, it will give me an excuse to go with my friend Angie "slum shopping" for hats and scarves. She also says that she will have an excuse to wear all her pink hello killy stuff! True friends are amazing like your Christian family!

Well, now you know what's going with my and why I started blogging again. It will be therapeutic for me and will give my friends a chance to keep up with what's going on, progress, look at bald pics etc....... I got the idea from an old classmate who was diagnosed in March and began blogging. Being reunited with her has a God send. Isn't it great how he puts the right people in our lives at the right time! But then he is God.!
I want to leave you with one of my favorite quotes Iread on someone's refridgerator

If God was small enough to be understood, he wouldn't be big enough to be worshipped!
Have a wonderful day. I plan on blogging from Destin the rest of the week.

"He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world."

going through the valley to get to the mountain

Here I am a few months after my first blog. I have been divorced one and a half years now. I have learned that I can do things on my own such as moving, painting, using tools, popping the hood of the car etc... I now have my own little condo, 2002 beetle which i'm very fond of, new job, even new dog and new interest and zeal for life. I now know myself well enough to know what's important to me: God and people, not things. Peace and happiness are important to me as well as making ends meet but wanting more material things, no. I have found things that breathe life into me such as real praise and worship, relationship instead of religion, spending time with real friends that lift me up and lifting them up, and sowing seeds into the lives of others.


Also, I never thought this would happen but I have fallen into amazing and true love with someone from the same community that I never dreamed would happen? Isn't it amazing how God can turn your life upside down then right side up gain and it be better than before. It's kind of like taking a snow globe, holding it upside down shaking it then turning it right side up and it is prettier than ever!


That's kind of what God did to me!


When I began the process of divorce after 22 long years of marriage, I was scared to death. My marriage wasn't good but it was security. How would I ever make it alone? A wise lawyer told me that going into it , divorce is like a mountain in front of you, you can't see over or around it. But when you finally get to the top , you see there is a whole new world on the other side! I didn't believe him at the time, because i just knew my life was over and had in store for me. But guess what I'm on the other side!!!!


As far as my job, due to depression and emotional issues stemming from marital problems, I left a teaching career of 18 years about six months before my divorce was final. I took this time to refind myself and heal. God provided to me during this time when I was living on faith. When it was time to go back to work, I decided to change careers. I found out that when God closes a door in your life, he opens a window! I got this wonderful job as primary service provider and early interventionist for babies and toddlers for a program called "Babies Can't Wait" , I now have the opportunity to provide intervention to families. I soon realized that, although not very lucrative (I am independent contractor with no benefits) , this was my calling. It has been an amazing experience for me to sew into the lives of my clients! I have met the most wonderful people and the have blessed me tremendously.


Then about four weeks ago, my diagnosis. I want to write more on that later. Know this was long but I have a lot to tell! I hope you were able to stay with me!


God is good through it all!





Michele