Friday, July 31, 2009

A little down and out

Hey everyone.
I went up to memorial to have my blood levels checked this morning. I found out my white blood cell levels are low. this means i could easily pick up and infection. So... i have to isolate myselft the next two days. I asked about church sun and the research nurse said if i went, Roger would have to be my body guard and tell everyone they can't touch me! That would be so awkward because our church family is so affectionate. ithink it would make roger feel awkward too so more than likely, i'll be staying home which really was a downer for me. It is a blessing that i havent' seen my clients the last couple of days because i could have picked up anything the babies have. Anyway, now i know the second week will most likely be the week i will have to stay out of crowds and not work and now i know the explanation for the way i have been feeling. blah! According to my nurse, next week the levels will begin comingup and be normal before my next treatment.
I will be honest with you. i am really struggling knowing i still have five and a half months of treatment. i am wondering if i'm doing the right thing getting the chemo. after all, the lump was removed with good margins and no lymph node involvement. and God told me he would heal me. I just know that i could be living a normal life right now instead of enduring the side effects of the chemo. there is no guarantee i won't have a relapse of cancer anyway, the chemo just lowers the possibility. I am praying about this. I wish it was cut and dry for me. my body literally feels like it has been poisoned, I feel so week and not being able to do the things i want to do is so hard! God, please give me an answer. I am really struggling with this! And i know that this decision is one i have to make alone. I am a person who is full of life and it is hard to feel beat down! Hoping that the sun will shine through the clouds tomorrow!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Answers don't always come easy, and we sometimes question our decisions. I know that you have prayed about this and God has led you to where you are today. Trust where he is leading you! I am keeping Steph, Zack, and the whole family in my prayers. I think of you so often and check your blog daily!

Love you!
Tracie Ellis

Anonymous said...

I want you to know that you have been in my prayers this summer!Your strong faith has been a real encouragement to me!!I will continue to pray for you. I will pray that you will have peace in your decisions.Please let me know if I can help in any way. Love, Missy Rittenhouse

Valerie said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. What a blessing your blog is. You never know who may be reading this. They could be going through something too and the Lord might have put you in blogland to be a blessing to someone out here. You just never know.