Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Hey Friends,
It has been a good day for me and I hope it has for you. I made a home visit this morning, went by and saw a friend, then came home and ate leftover chili from last night. Then i got on the computer and finished some paperwork I needed to do for work. This has been so hard for me to complete and I actually felt focused. And I feel that I have accomplished something!
Now, I have some online training for my job I need to tackle, then thinking about signing up for some college classes to keep my teaching certificate current. It makes me feel so much better to have a plan and to feel productive. A lot of things I don't feel that I am becauese I have so much down time and I don't have the energy to do anything. But I have figured out that if I get up ande get going in the mornings, i feel pretty good until around one or two o'clock , then I relax (usually I'm online and watching Days of our lives. lol) and rest up to cook dinner. Bedtime is usually about 9:30 so that is pretty much my day.
Please leave comments. I always check for them and I pray that God blesses each of you and that you see God's hand today.
Do you know the song "I saw God today." I often think of it and how you can see God in people and in nature if you just look. Take the time to look around. You will see God's fingerprints.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Hey friends.
I thought i would post an update since i went to oncologist fri for bloodwork. My white blood cells were low which is the usual pattern for two weeks after treatment. I just have to be very careful around other people, use tons of hand gel and avoid crowds. My nurse said the flu is going around and i am susceptable right now.
But I have had a good weekend. Roger has been off work this weekend so we have been together. He always makes me smile! Yesterday we watched college football together and took the kids to eat. we went at 4:00 tryin to miss the crowd but the hotwings place we went to was a little crowded becuase of the football game so i was very careful. i went to church today and sat in balcony, just me and roger. it is just a small area where cameras are. It was a good service but no hugs from my church family.
I wanted everyone to know that next fri is the last of the first phase of chemo. so, no more red devil after this friday!! i am glad. it is really hard on gi tract. The next phase is another kind of chemo weekly for twelve weeks so i am getting close to being halfway done with chemo. after that, radiation, which shouldn't be bad at all. The bad thing about the tumor was that it was triple negative which means i wont respond to any hormonal treatments that are usually used. that is why we have to hit it hard with chemo and radiation. it is a little scary that there is still a possibility of it coming back but it's all in God's hands right? i cant' wait to get back to living life to the fullest! and not being so broke! lol. But through it all, the surgery, the chemo , God has been good and his word holds true.
That's the update for now.
Hope everyone is doing well.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


Hi Friends,
I want to say that i'm sorry my entries have been very inspiring lately. I seem to be at the stage of my treatment that I am struggling a little. I really need to get in the Word more and please continue to lift me up in your prayers.

There is so much that goes with this: the worry, the financial strian, the fatigue and nausua, the humility from being bald, the weight gain. the depression. It is a struggle every day and it is truly too much for me to bear on my own. But i also know it is not too big for my God! I think I am guilty of trying to handle everything on my own lately instead of giving to Jesus. It seems that sometimes I give it to him, only to take it back later! Do you ever do that?

I have so much to be thankful for: my love, Roger; supportive family, church family and friends, all my needs met, healthy children, and strength for each day. But, I have been guilty of letting myself get down. Every day, I am able to get out of bed and accomplish something. That is more than a lot of people can do!

So, I am asking that you please pray that I am able to entirely give this to God and trust that he will take care of me and that I will take things one day at a time and know that God is with me each step of the way. I definitely think that there are only one set of footprints in the sand during this time of my life because the Lord is carrying me through! My God is mighty and able! We just have to keep looking toward the cross!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

ups and downs

Hey everyone.
I wanted to post an update on my treatment and progress. I have been very tired this week and have had crying spells at times. At other times i have been fine. I saw the research nurse on fri and she said that my fatigue is most likely the accumulation of the chemo in my body and my red blood cell count being a little low. She suggested i take a multivite to give me some energy. My white blood cell coumt was slightly but not dangerously low so i just have to be cautious about being around crouds. I am already on an antibiotic daily to ward off bacterial infections. So, that was about it.
I have to admit, it's getting harder to sit in the waiting room at the cancer enter. . Ilook around at all the other people, mostly older than me, who are sick and I think that this is a place I never thought I would find myself. I have also realized how hard it must be on my mom taking me for treatments. This is a hard thing on everyone involved. I am hoping that I can have a friend take me for my next treatment.

That said, I have had a pretty good weekend thus far. Roger cooked dinner for us last night and I went to the northwest football football game. it usually doesn't bother me to go in my scarf or hat but i knew there would be people there who i don't usually see and maybe didn't even know i was under treatment. Anyway, a friend from church assured me I could sit with her and it turned out that there were lots of people from my church and other friends that were so supportive. It wasn't hard at all. This just opens my eyes to how God works through his people. I had a great time and a friend brought me home just after half time. Being out around people breathes so much life into me! this morning, rusty and I went to panara where i got a yogurt parfait (so good) and to walmart. then i came home and rested. I have been able torest really well lately and that has been a blessing.

Tomorrow, church and steph said she is coming so i have been excited. That's about it. i'm just passing the time til Roger gets up and comes over before work.

Take care and remember you are unique and special and God has great plans for you.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Tired Today!

Hey everyone. I hope you have all had a good day.
I had an awesome weekend after the treatment. I got up sat and went to walmart and got some groceries then cooked stir fry for everyone! On sun. I went to both services and then to eat with church family which was so much fun.
But, so tired today. I had three appointments scheduled but one wasn't home. I came straight home, fixed a sandwich and went to bed around twelve. I didn't wake up until three. I am a little sick at my stomach but mostly just exhausted. Maybe I overdid it over the weekend.
I am hoping to have some energy back tomorrow!
Take Care!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

yesterday's treatment

Hey friends. I made it through my third treatment.
My mom and I arrived at memorial at 8:45 after driving in the rain. I had my labs done and good news, my wbc are in normal range! The bad news is , my rbc and hemoglobin is a little low so I have to try to eat more red meats to get it up a little , which i am already working on. I saw the doc and he said he was not gonna reduce the chemo because he wanted it to be and effective treatment but he did half the steroid dosage and give me and extra bag of fluid. I do not have to get the nulasta shot. Yea! Instead I will take an oral dose of augmentin everyday and proceed with caution.
So, I had my regular treatment which took about two and a half hours in all. The nurse had a little bit of a hard time accessing my port but other than that it went fine. After I finished there, I went to the radiologist who is in the building right next door. that's what is so good about the team approach. all my docs are under one roof and part of a team! He was a very nice looking, sweet doc. he examined me, said the surgical site looked good and talked to me about he radiation part of my treatment. It will start after 18 more weeks of chemo which will be in january. I have to have 33 treatments! I will have to go to memorial everyday but that's ok. i had rather stick with the team of doctors i have been using. the beam will go in one side of my breast and out of the other. nothing will be effected but breast tissue. he says by then i will be feeling better from finishing the chemo and that this will be the easiest part! the actual procedure only takes about 15 minutes.
When i left there, i realized i had ordered my m mend which is a very high powered, expensive, antinausua drug that i have to take the day of and two days after treatement. I started panicking! so i went back to my oncologist and explained what happened. they said not to worry, they would work something out. So, they had to put an iv in , this time in my arm not in my port and give it to me intravenously. so this took another hour . i am getting the other two overnight delivery today. Thank you Lord for a diligent, caring team of doctors!
We finally left a little after 3, got something to eat (with beaf of course) and stopped by the fabric store and my mom got me the coolest fabrics to make scarves! By this time though, i was exhausted. went home and collapsed and an awesome couple in my church family brought dinner. Aren't God's people the best. I rested at mom and dad's until i went home and went to bed. I am sooo thankful for my parents too.
Well, that's it. you are updated!
Hope you have a peaceful, restful weekend and are showered with blessings!

Thursday, August 27, 2009


Hey everyone! I hope all is well.
We had an awesome church service. Bro. Marty preached about the rapture and that always gets me excited! We had a great prayer time but my heart is broken for my friends, the Gambrells. They just found out that their three year old granddaughter has leukemia and starts treatment today. We were all so heartbroken. Her name is Kayla Gambrell and she will be at tc thompsons for eight months getting chemo! I just cant' imagine what they are going through. But Monica and Bear are such awesome Christians and they know where they get their strength!
I have a busy day. I am meeting a family at the health dept at 10:30 for a doctor's visit and going to help a friend on a writing assignment and then to lunch with her. Then I am hoping to have another appointment scheduled this afternoon. Busy is good because I am dreading tomorrow's treatment. I will be glad to get another one behind me but it is a long day and am not looking forward to the side effects next week. I have felt so well this week. It has been awesome. I certainly don't take well days for granted and am so thankful for them!
A friend gave me an awesome praise and worship cd which i am listening to. that really gets me going!
Well, I hope that God blesses you today according to his riches in heaven!
If God was small enough to be understood, he wouldn't be big enough to be worshipped!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

This is Ollie, our fat cat! When we found him two years ago, he was scragly, tiny and dirty. Now look at him! I think he weighs more than Rusty. He loves to eat; catfood, dogfood, it doesn't matter but the only people food he likes is yogurt! In this pic, he had sneaked into my closet for a nap. It is one of his favorite places. He is lazy in the house but still catches mice outside so I guess he does his job. That is our cat, Ollie!

Our pooch, Rusty

This is Rusty. He is our little terrior our neighbors gave us after we moved into our condo. He is sweet and loves to be a little lap dog so he has been good company to me lately. But he also loves to get out and run around the neighborhood which he gets in trouble for! He makes sure that I get my excercise by demanding his walk every morning. In the pic, he is on my bed wearing my hat. cute huh? That's our Rusty!

Sunday, August 23, 2009


Hello everyone. I haven't written a few days so i thought i would catch up. I went to get my blood work done on fri and my wbc were up in normal range, actually above, so that was a praise! it is the first time in four weeks. Kasey,the research nurse said it was from that awful nulesta shot i got. thank the Lord though, I don't have to get it again! Anyway, on thursday I came down with the sniffles and then cough so i have done nothing but go from the couch to the bed for two days. I am thinking that i am feelin a little better though. i have been up more this afternoon so hopefully by tomorrow i'll be much better. This friday, I will be halfway through the first leg of the treatment and one third through the total treatment. It look like by mid november, i'll be through with chemo and just radiation to go. That will be such a blessing and I can go on with my life, cancer free. Well, still a little tired, gonna get off.
Remember, If God had a wallet, your photo would be in it!
He adores you!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Other Side of the Glass

Hey everyone. I hope you are all doing awesome and are seeing God work in your lives! I certainly am.

I feel led to share with you a truly humbling experience I had this week and how I have grown from it. I hope it will mean something to you!

I have always been blessed in life. God has always met my needs. I have been able to go to college and get a degree to provide me with a salarly that provided well for me and my family.

However, because of the medical bills i am accumulating from the surgery and treatment, the nurse at Memorial suggested I try to get on medicaid the help with the bills. So.... on Tuesday, I found myself somewhere I never thought I would be, at family and children's services to be interviewed for financial help.

I have to say that this was a very hard thing for me, especially because I had a bad work experience there and knew the people "on the other side of the window." I don't know if you have ever been there but there is a hot, bare looking waiting room and then there is a glass with a little hole which the staff on the other side speaks to you through. You take a number, sit back down in one of those chairs that you have in school and , when your name is called, stand behind a line on the floor to talk to the person on the other side of the glass.

Well, I tell you, God was with me that day because I had only been there five minutes when someone pulled on the back of my scarve. It was one of my Spanish clients, a very nice lady whose daughter I have been seeing for about six months. She hugged me and I attempted to talk to her in very limited Spanish. She smiled and looked so glad to see me. I have to say it was a blessing that God sent a smiling familiar face and as I realized later, also a learning experience for me.

Well, when I went to the window, there was a man there who recognized me from when I was one of the ones "on the other side." He spoke and I told him my situation. My case worker came out and called my name and I followed him to has office. God was watchin over me though because, instead of being the typical overworked, underpaid DFACS worker, he was a young man with a degree in psychology who still had enthusiasm and wanted to try to make a difference in the world. He processed everything and I shared some about my situation. The visit went well, except for one glitch. When I got in the car, I realized that I had left my cell phone in his office! This is just one of those blonde traits that I am notorious for. So, I got back out of my car, entered the waiting room again and got in line behind the tape to go through the process again. Thankfully, the man I knew looked up saw me and Imotioned to him that I had left my phone. He made a quick call and the worker brought it out to me and I left. The funny thing was that he had called my cell phone to leave a message that I left it!

Well, when I got to the car, I realized a great deal. First, I realized how much the circumstances I have been in over the last few years has humbled me and that we never know when we will find ourselves on "the other side of the glass" and that it could happen to anyone! I also realized that , now, I can relate more to my clients and how they feel since for most of them, this is part of their daily lives. All this brought tears to my eyes.

The big picture is this. God is our father always teaching and molding us if we will just try to look at it from the right perspective! Everything that happens to us is, in the end in our best interest. And no matter what happens, nothing can separate us from the Love of God! We just have to let Him be the pilot and learn as we go!

Hope you got something from this as I did. If so, please comment. I always get the ones that are emailed.

Hugs to you all.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Prayer Quilt

This is a prayer quilt that my mom and her quilting

class made for me. They all prayed over it so that

makes it very special to me. It matches my purple


Monday, August 17, 2009

My Kids

This is my handsome son, Zack with my beautiful
daughter, Stephanie at her graduation from Berry
College in June, 2009. I am so proud of both of them!


This is a new scarf that my mom bought me. I wore it for the
first time the other day. I like durags and bandanas most days
but love scarves to wear to church. I like being bald around the
house. Sometimes I forget all about it when I'm home. It just
feels natural now!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

The Applause of Heaven by Max Lucado

I had to get back on my blog and write about this book.
First of all, you need to know that I am not a reader of fictional books. Instead I try to read something that will speak to me and improve me as a person. This is one of those truly life changing books. I read it about a month ago and decided that it made such an impact on me that i would hilight important parts. I soon realized that I would be highlighting most of the book! If i could, i would give each of you a copy. I can't though so I will include some exerps in my blog. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did. Buy the book!

From The Applause of Heaven by Max Lucado

What type of joy can Jesus give us?

"It is called sacred delight.
It is sacred because it is not of the earth.
What is sacred is God's and this joy is God's.
It is delight because delight can both satisfy and surprise.

Delight is Bethlehem shepherds dancing a jig outside a cave.
Delight is Mary watching god sleep in a feed trough.
Delight is a while haired Simeon praising God who is about to be circumcised.
Delight is Joseph teaching the creater of the world how to hold a hammer. ....

What is sacred delight?
It is God doing what gods would be doing in only your wildest dreams-wearing diapers, riding donkeys, washing feet, dozing in storms. ....

It's having God as your pinch-hitter, your lawyer, your dad, your biggest fan and your best friend.
God on your side, in your heart, out in front, and protectecting your back.

And it is this sacred delight that Jesus promises in the sermon on the mount. Nine times he promises it and he promisesit to an unlikely crowd."

Amazing! MORE LATER.

Awesome day!

Hey! I had a really awesome day. Roger is off for the weekend so we have taken advantage of it. We went out to eat last night then breakfast together this morning. then we rode his motorcycle to the pocket where i had to stick my feet in the water. it was as cold as i remembered as a child! It was a great ride the weather couldn't have been better! thank you , God I needed it! When we got back, had lunch then he got our cars cleaned up then we went to store and cooked spaghetti for us and boys! It was the most fun i have had in a while. the symptoms of the shot are easing up, didn't even have to take stomach meds! And i did use my hand gel and be cautious. I actually wanted to go to the movies last night but Roger said i was crazy and reminded me that i wasn't supposed to be in crowds! duh! bad idea. but I had an awesome weekend so far anyway. I am planning on going to church tomorrow, had to miss wed night, was sick. Well, it's 7:00. everyone has gone. I am going to sit back, relax and maybe read. I hope God blessed you today like he did me! Hugs to you all!

Thank you Jesus for giving me day of being normal again! He is always right on time and supplies ALL our needs!

Friday, August 14, 2009

ups and downs this week!

Hey friends.
I haven't been on in a few days. i'll tell you, it's been a roller coaster ride this week, a difficult time. I told you about the shot i got sun that made me so sick. well , mon was terrible but tuesday a pretty good day. wednesday, not so good but thursday and today i found that if i could force myself to get up, get a bath and get goin, i would feel better so that's what i have done. this week has definitely been the sickest and weakest i have felt yet.

My sister in law took me to my appointment today so it was kind of fun having someone different to talk to. also, she is a very good motivator and very positive. I had my blood checked. white blood cell levels were low but not as low as they were a week ago and platelets were within range. My doctor wrote a prescription for some wierd mouthwash because of this icky stuff in my mouth (gross, i know) that he says is the result of a low immune system. he also put me back on an antibiotic for seven days. the best part of all is that , next treatment he is gonna reduce the chemo dosage a little since i'm so run down and i won't have to get the nulesta shot. just have to be careful in large crowds etc.....

Afterwards my sister in law and i went to eat at olive garden and i ate a ton of salad and a wonderful dessert with fruit, sorbet and custard! i ate and ate the salad. it was so good and so far have tolerated it pretty well. So, all in all a pretty good day. i told her she was driving ms daisy and she said no, you have the daisy car, my beetle.

Other blessings this week: Two of my best friends came over wed night and brought me a card and one friend even gave me a head massage! I got several cards in the mail which always makes my day, talked tomy nephews in california and zack seemed to have a good week at school. I wore two really cool scarves for the first time and got my toes painted. And guess what, a friend said God had laid me on her heart and she and others from church are bringing dinner for next two weeks!! God is awesome and so are His people. I also was able to go to a meeting for work and one home visit so at least made a little money. so , all and all not a bad week!
Hugs to all my family and friends!


Tuesday, August 11, 2009

God is always right on time~!

Hello, friends. I haven't blogged in a couple of days. I want to update you on what's been going on.
I had my second treatment on fri which went fine. I was okay fri and sat just a little tired. On sunday at 9:00 a.m I had to go in and get a nulesta shot to keep my wbc count up. This is because my counts went down after my first treatment and, because my immune systme was down, had to isolate for fear of contracting a bacterial infection.

So, on sun morning, zack and I drove up to memorial so I could get the shot. There were six or eight other people there, the rest of the center was closed so all i had to do was sign up and get my shot so in about 30 min we were headed back to dalton. we came to house for a few minutes then headed to church.

This was my first time going to church bald wearing a hat and since roger had just started working a job third shift, he couldn't be there with me. it was not like i was alone though, zack, garrett, and another friend sat with me. I don't know what came over me, i just started crying, tears pouring down my face. friends were coming up to me hugging me and giving me so much support, but i just couldnt stop. then, I started feeling so bad, I couldn't even focus on the singing or preaching. All I could think was I had to get to Roger. He has a way of making me feel at peace. After telling Zack I was leaving, i headed straight over to Rogers where he was sleepin after working all night. I just crawled up beside him, crying. He didn't know what was wrong but I felt at ease and was able to go to sleep for a couple of hours. The same sick, weak, achy feeling continued sunday and monday. my mom came over and cooked and cleaned for me. that's really about all i remember. I was an emotional wreck and "sick as a dog".

Well, i know that many people had started praying for me. I got some emails from ladies at the church and spoke to a couple of my christian friends and thankfully, when I got up this morning, i didn't feel as bad. I went back to sleep until about 11, then got up, showered and met a friend for lunch! i spent some time with stephanie, my daughter and my mom and went to my work meeting! The sick feeling had subsided just leaving me a little weak. I was able to eat two meals and even a snack! I am so thankful. God is good and is always on time. Prayers went up and a blessing came down! Thank you to everyone who lifted me up in prayer! It really does worked. I could feel the calmness coming over me today. I am now ready to face tomorrow and the next day and the next! God's anchor always holds and his word is true!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

This is my cat , Ollie. He is about two years old now. When I took this pic he was only a few months. He is very , very fat now and is such a mouser. I will post a more current pic later and one of Rusy, our terrier.

Friday, August 7, 2009

One more treatment down,had good cry,God is good

Hey everyone. I hope that you have had an awesome week and a wonderful weekend planned.
I had my second round of the "red devil" regiment today. My counts were up so i was happy about that. the treatment went over pretty well except for a minor mixup with my meds. never be too shy to second check docs and nurses. They make mistakes too. I didn't speak up and it caused a minor, no dangerous mistake on following docs orders on my iv. next time i will speak up.
I had told you before that i thought Roger had the day off but he didnt. My mom was prepared to take me as always. Honestly, i didn' know how they would react to seeing me bald today and seeing the chemo going in the port. I know it is very painful for them. But my mom is a very strong woman and she did great, prepared and getting me everything I needed. I haven't said enough about my parents. They have been here for me every step of the way and I know it breaks their hearts. I couldn't imagine seeing my daughter go through this. I sometimes think its harder on my parents, kids and roger than it is me. Anyway , my parents are awesome doing everything from cooking, fixing my car and helping me on bills. my mom even cooks me the dessert i want which is kind of wierd since my taste has gone haywire!
Roger and I left my mom and dad's about 9:15. He had to go home to get in the routine to work night shift tomorrow night. I have to say i really didn't understand why he couldn't come over, and i didn't want to come home alone. But I will tell you that God always knows what we need. Before leaving , Roger gave me a kiss and said "bye pretty face" that was so what i needed tohear. have not been feelin pretty today with no hair. I had a good cry realizing has put people in my life to get me through this moment. My parents are still alive and able to take care of me and be there and Roger andmy other friends always know when i need a little "pick me up." Then I started thinking that if my family here love me this much, then how much does my heavenly father, my creator love me? enought to send his son to dye for me! i can't even comprehend it. But right now i am thankful that God opens our eyes during these moments giving us a glimpse of his love. As the verse on my blog says , nothing, not death or life,nor angels or demons can separate us from God's love! And the way he works through people to show his fingerprints is so amazing.
Well, i've had my cry and really feel good in my soul. I'm sure you can relate to that. i'm gonna get to bed and get ready for another day tomorrow and i will rejoice and be glad in in.
Please leave comments. night!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Still Blah

Hi. I hope everyone is doing awesome.

The pic to the left is my friend Lucrecia who cut my hair and me.
I thought it would be interesting to include a pic with every post.

I woke up this morning feeling alright. I walked Rusty, did some laundry, straightened the kitchen and checked my email. By this time I was tired. I laid back down and slept until after lunchtime then back up, ate lunch and just hanging around house.

The good news is that the nausua has been better today. My sister -in law brought me a fist sandwich and fries for lunch which I was able to eat. I think my wbc levels are slowly rising. I am just to the point that I don't feel bad enough to sleep all day but don't feel good enough to do anything. I feel very exhausted and achy all over. So I am just kind of in Blah! land if you know what i mean. I don't have enough stamina to do much but not exhausted enough to sleep.

I am wondering if I will get my second round of chemo in the morning if my levels are still below normal. I guess I'll see at 8:30 in the morning. The good news is I think Roger will be able to take me to treatment. So, I guess I'm just hangin in. If you have any scripture for me , please share it.


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Florida pics

This pic is from floria. I still had my long hair. Roger bought me a pink florida gator cap and i put my hair up and put it on to see how it would look with no hair! We had an awesome time. so happy together. i didn't want to come home and start treatment!

Good bye hair!

Well, when I got up this morning, I ran my fingers through my hair and got a big wad. Don't know how long it will take until i'm bald but it seems to be coming out pretty quick today. Being a woman and bald just doesn't seem to go together. i've known this would happen for a month but still no way to prepare for it. it is just something you have to experience.

I am still pretty tired and some headache and nausua. I am hoping this will subside by my treatment fri. please be in prayer that my system is up before the next treatment. This is a very hard thing to go through. I sympathasize with anyone who is going through or has been through this. Chemo is rough and some days i feel like it is kickin my butt! But then God gives me a brand new day and sends people with encouraging words or i have a good cry and things are better.

Did I tell you roger got a job after being unemployed for four months? he started training this week from seven to seven and i don't even get to talk to him on breaks. it is really hard, because he's been with me each day, each step of the way. i miss him like crazy!

Well after the next treatment i will get the shop that keeps my wbc countup. maybe that will keep me from feelin so lousy and iwill be able towork more. i miss my clients!

Well, i guess that's all for now. Roger will be off in 21 minutes and i need to call and check on zack.

The best high is the most high!


Monday, August 3, 2009

Back to Memorial!

Hey everyone. I hope you all had a blessed day!
i started havin a bad headache about eight o clock last night and it went on all night. it was so bad I was up about two o'clock til three o'clock. i called my oncologist and he wanted me to come in. They took blood and I found out that my white blood counts were still low but my platelets were beginning to come up. He said they would expect them to be rising by the seventeenth day of treatment and was afraid that i might pick up a bacterial infection. He also said that after my next treatment I would get a shot to help my levels stay up in normal range.
He prescribed me two antibiotics for seven days and something to relieve my headaches. the bad thing is he thinks the headaches are a side effect of the med i am taking for nausua.
So, I am still in until fri. Hopefully by then, my counts will be back up and stay up for at least a week. it really makes a difference in how i feel i have learned!
The bad part of it all is that i can't work and i don't get paid if i don't make my visits. so, i am pretty broke. but i also know that the Bible tells me that "God will supply all my needs according to his riches in heaven."
I do have a praise. Zack drove me to doctor and we were able to talk some. He really is an awesome boy. I also saw Steph last night for a while. And Roger started training for his new job. Please pray for him. It is 12 hour shifts and he has been out for a while.
I want to recommend reading Psalm 27. i just read it a few minutes ago. it is awesome.
One thing I still know is the God is good through it all.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Saturday night

Hey everyone.

It is saturday night. I've stayed home for the past two days except for going out an hour today when a friend came by and took me to eat. we used hand gel, hand gel, hand gel and didn't touch anyone. We have watched movies and roger and I cooked spaghette. Zack has been home all day and Garrett came over with Roger so it has been awesome having him here.

Still tired and not much appetite but those are normal side effects. We are having our groundbreaking ceremony at church tomorrow and i am debating going and sitting in the car! Will see how i feel in the morning.

Well, I have managed to stay awake today without napping. that's improvement. Looking forward to a "normal" week next week before friday's treatment.

Guess what. Roger is starting his new job monday. it's third shift so i'm sure it will take some getting used to. I am a little disappointed he probably wont get to go with me for my second treatment since he works fri. he has a calming , soothing effect on me. it really helped to have him there for the first. But I will make it. we all have to do what we have to do!

Everyone thinks it's odd that my hair hasn't come out yet! it hasn't even thinned. Who knows, Maybe God plans to keep it in. you know, he knows every hair on my head, so it's possible. We will just have to wait and see! Well have a good night and a blessed sunday!

Friday, July 31, 2009

A little down and out

Hey everyone.
I went up to memorial to have my blood levels checked this morning. I found out my white blood cell levels are low. this means i could easily pick up and infection. So... i have to isolate myselft the next two days. I asked about church sun and the research nurse said if i went, Roger would have to be my body guard and tell everyone they can't touch me! That would be so awkward because our church family is so affectionate. ithink it would make roger feel awkward too so more than likely, i'll be staying home which really was a downer for me. It is a blessing that i havent' seen my clients the last couple of days because i could have picked up anything the babies have. Anyway, now i know the second week will most likely be the week i will have to stay out of crowds and not work and now i know the explanation for the way i have been feeling. blah! According to my nurse, next week the levels will begin comingup and be normal before my next treatment.
I will be honest with you. i am really struggling knowing i still have five and a half months of treatment. i am wondering if i'm doing the right thing getting the chemo. after all, the lump was removed with good margins and no lymph node involvement. and God told me he would heal me. I just know that i could be living a normal life right now instead of enduring the side effects of the chemo. there is no guarantee i won't have a relapse of cancer anyway, the chemo just lowers the possibility. I am praying about this. I wish it was cut and dry for me. my body literally feels like it has been poisoned, I feel so week and not being able to do the things i want to do is so hard! God, please give me an answer. I am really struggling with this! And i know that this decision is one i have to make alone. I am a person who is full of life and it is hard to feel beat down! Hoping that the sun will shine through the clouds tomorrow!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

hopefully worst is over!

Hey everyone.
I have had couple of bad days but this is to be expected with the treatment. i had terrible nausua and diarrhea yesterday, headach and fatigue. tried prescriptions i had on hand but didn't need to help. oncologist called me in some zophram which finally got my stomach settled down but still couldn't tolerate fool . however, it did make me sleep and sleep and sleep. this morning was some better. Got up, walked rusty and showered but about 12 stomach pains again. i have eaten a little and took zophram. hopefull, will be able to eat tonight since mom is coming over to cook fried squash! yea!
next week, i am supposed to be on the upswing until treatment next fri. also, i have my blood levels checked tomorrow as this is the time wbc can drop.
had to put of work for a couple of days. hoping i can make at least one or two home visits tomorrow, if not on mon. the last home visit i made , there was cigarette smoke in the house and made me feel so sick! If anyone knows anything i can take or eat to help with the tolerence please let me know. that is one of the drawbacks of my job but there are many benefits.
I wanted to report that roger( if you don't know him, you can see my pic at bottomof blogger page) my love , one year strong got a job after being unemployed for four months. so, this is a praise!
I had a good day with zack but still haven't seen steph in a while. please pray for me and kids . there is a lot going on right now and satan seems to be in attack mode.
God gave me this verse this morning and i looked it up. it is in Romans. it was one of the awana verses, i helped the kids with years ago.
For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation to everyone who believes. It made me think how the word is our power and my power to get through this valley! God is always right on time.
Hugs to you all.

Monday, July 27, 2009


Blah today. Stayed up late dealing with issues with son. nobody ever said being a parent of teenagers and divorced would be easy. Didn't shower or get out today but did get garage cleaned out. Roger came over and helped cook but went home feeling bad with headache. I hope and pray he isn't getting sick. It is possible that my counts could drop this week.
any advice on dealing with a teenage son whose dad is out of pic for a year is appreciated.
I know that God didn;t promise us life would be easy, just that He would be with us each step of the way. just tired and headache! tomorrow will be better. I really feel that Satan is attacking my family. Will get in Word before bed. I have two awesome kids. They are just finding their way!
Nite. please comment.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Super Sunday!

Hey. Wanted to report that i had a really good day today. Church this morning, my nephew's party, went to pool for a while, back to church then out to eat with friends. Zack was at church tonight too so I was very proud! I also wore my new shirt, "fight like a girl" and got compliments and had a chance to tell what God has done for me this week. God has certainly given me a boldness through this that I haven't had before.
Iwant to brag on my awesome, amazing church family at Mount Rachel. They always lift me up with encouraging words and smiles. I just can't say how important having a church and church family is at this time in my life. I have other awesome friends as well who breathe life into me! There are so many people in my life that keep me going each and every day! I hope I am able to sew some seeds in their lives too.
Well, I think I am over the hump as well as the yucky feeling in my stomach. I pretty well "pigged out" today from lunch on on whatever I wanted and did fine with the acid reducer I take everyday. Then tonight we ate chinese and I had grilled veggies and rice, rice, rice and icecream. So far, handling it well. I do take an anxiety, nausea pill at night which i just took that helps me sleep but so far, not many meds at all. Thank you, Jesus.
I am getting ready to wrap it up for tonight. Planning on getting up tomorrow and setting up home visits for the week. Got five in next week, need a bigger paycheck this week. By the way, God came through on paying my bills this month. He is always right on time.
Love you all.
Remember, if God had a wallet, your pic would be in it! He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. His word always stands true.

Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

One week into treatment!

Well, hello again. It has been a while since i blogged. There was some kind of technical problem with my account. Anyway, I finally figured it out.
Well, tomorrow will be a week since my first treatment. And God has given me the strength one day at a time, one hour at a time to get through this. It has definitely not been easy but Hehas given me strentgh, hope and grace for each day. Eleven more weeks to go in the first leg.
The treatment itself wasn't so bad. I have this wonderful port under the skin in my chest which makes things much easier. the worst part was the numbing and pressure but just a stick and it was done! My wonderful surgeon, dr rawlings put it in when he did the lumpectomy. It was funny, the whole time I was hungry, munching on sandwiches and cookies and Roger kept sticking freezy pops into my mouth when i got the "red devil" as instructed by the nurse. I honestly think it was harder on him than it was on me. He really does love me a lot. it's funny, i don't remember much of that night, think it was some of the stuff in my i v. my mom came over with chicken and dumplings though and i ate two bowls then kind of out of it. I also took this 120 dollar pill the first few days that helps with side effects, but guess what, the research nurse has gotten it paid for for all my treatments! The next day was not that great, flushed and hot feeling in face. {I found out they had also given me a steroid which i don't tolerate well!} Think i napped a lot that day. the next day I felt really good for most of the day and did okay the rest of the week except for some nausea , headache and fatigue. I was able to put in a half day's work which was a blessing. As for work, my research nurse told me to live life as usual, just use hand sanitizer and tell anyone sick to stay away! No isolation or mask as long as levels are okay. first finger stick count fri was fine! Praise the Lord! it would eally effect my mood if i could not do my job since it "breathes life into me" , will tell you more about it later.
Big event today, my granny turned88 and we had a big party. saw lots of relatives i usually don't see, hugged a few and just used sanitizer. It was worth it. I also was invited to the third birthday of one of my clients. Her mom and I have become great friends and it was awesome to spend some time with them.
I also got a pedicure! I now only get one a month because of my finances so it felt sooo good. the massage chair was wonderful, darling. Did I tell you my friend cut my hair short for free and put a hot pink extension in it. And some of my friends are getting them for breast cancer awareness. It is so awesome when you see Jesus through people, their acts of kindness really touch me deep inside.
Have you ever listened to Michael Combs? I started off my morning with listening to him singing Not For Sale which I on my facebook. he is a truly annointed gospel singer who really inspires me. The other song I listened to was Ray Boltz, The Anchor Holds. It is a classic! God really speaks to me thru music.
Well, I'll wrap up for tonight. I wanted to summarize my first week of treatment. I have been sleeping well, that's a praise for me since I am an insomniac at times. I have some new pics of my hair that I'll try to post tomorrow. love you all.
Isaiah 40:31

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

have the blues!

hey. made it through today. don't know what's going on but have had a headache and fatigue today. I had to go to memorial first thing for a cardiogram and labs. i then got meds filled that i'm to start before mon. I had a six month review with one of my clients then headed home. got ready but didn't go to church. tired! another thing, i have this wierd kind of rash on my right breast where i had the surgery. it is almost like bruising or blood vessels. My surgeon is going to check it in morning. then a day of tests, tests, tests ( ct scan, bone test, etcc) to be ready for mon. I will be there most of the day. However, i will get a massage between tests. they are free for us at the breast center! Also, gonna get my hair cut short tomorrow. my mood today, kind of solomn and thoughtful, a little down. need to get in my Bible before bed. Hope you all have a good night!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

a few thoughts and update

Hello everyone.
I have had a good day. Made a home visit to one of the families I help. Came home and ate lunch with my son. I have a meeting at four for work and then my daughter is coming over for dinner. I also think roger is coming over! Busy is good for me right now.
Well, i will definitely be doing the clinical trial. I will find out mon whether i will get the standard treatment of the trial med during the last leg of the chemo. The first four months is the same for both. I really don't know which to pray for! my doc seems really impressed about the new drug that's already used to treat some breast cancers. I get more tests and scans tomorrow and thurs then i will be ready to start treatment on mon. inbetween, i have 3 meds to fill to help with side effects. also i'm to bring popsicles and drinks to eat or drink during treatment. this is supposd to help with mouth sores. ouch! but for the most part i'm ready. by friday i'll feel like i've been through the ringer, i'm sure.
God has given me a peace about everything today, isn't he awesome!
You know if He was small enough to be understand, he wouldn't be big enough to be worshipped!
Hugs to you all!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

A few thoughts.....

Thank you so much Kathy, you were the first to comment on my blog. I am so thankful that I have gotten to know you and Bob. And I remember coming in your office and inviting you to MRBC! Yall are certainly an asset!

Well, had a good day. Both church services were wonderful. I went to a 50 year anniversar, rog's uncle's, rested then back to church! Don't know what's going on today, feel a little run down, maybe just fromt he trip. Hope I am not coming down with something with treatment in one week! I think that i am having a little anxiety over it too. Just feeling a little achey and stomach is kind of icky. I have two appointments. Tomorrow I go to talk to someone to find out more about a chemic trial which will be the last leg of chemo. Then on wed, they will do an echogram on my heart. I have my first two hour treatment next mon. I am a little anxious. I think I will be better once I am through with the first one though, it's just not knowing what to expectt! Then i won't have another for three weeks. So , that's my update for now. Just pray that I will keep my focus on God and know that he hasn't given us a sense of fear, but of power and that I will find the peace I felt at the beach, just being still and knowing that he is God.. thank you. good nite.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Hello everyone. I just got back from a wonderful trip to destin, fla. this was last minute before i started treatment since i don't know how i'm gonna react to it. there is something about being at the ocean that makes me feel close to God and realize how big he really is. favorite moments were sitting under beach umbrella reading with ocean breeze blowing and floating out in the water on a calm day being rocked by the waves. it reminds me a line of a song " i felt like a new born baby, cradled up in the arms of the Lord" that 's what it felt like. amazing.

Did I tell you how everyday a new praise and worship song comes to me depending on my situation and how I am recalling verses i never knew that i had memorized? It's true, sometimes first thing in the morning and sometimes during the day . it's like they have been stored and ready to be played when needed! Psalms 19 :1 talks about hiding God's word in your heart and the BIble talks about how will it will come to you when you need it. this is so true! everyday God puts verses in my mind to help me get through the day. This is amazing to me but then again, it is our God who made the universe!

I want to end by telling you how much I have grown through this valley. I have already told you about the songs and scripture coming to me. I am spending more time in the word and it is so addictive! i have started a little journal to record verses that have meaning to me. but there are so many! I am learning to "Be still and know that he is God." I appreciate every moment and don't take it for granted. I have taken inventory of myself and learning how to really pray!

Well, you are probably tired of reading. please leave me a comment

Monday, July 6, 2009

Even in the valleys the light shines through!

Ok. I'm back.
To make a long, long story short, about four weeks ago I found the dreaded lump on my right breast. I went to my gyn who sent me for an ultrasound who sent results back to doc who made a referral to the Mary Ellen Breast center at Memorial. There I was biopsied, diagnosed with invasive glandular carcinoma, sent to oncologist to discuss treatment and scheduled for surgery. Two weeks ago, I had a lumpectomy and lymph node removal. Answered prayers, the lympth nodes were all beneign and the tumor had clear perimeters. the surgery wasn't bad and I quickly recovered. The bad news is that because of the type and size of tumor, six months of chemo treatments three weeks apart is highly recommended to reduce the chance of having a nother tumor. On the last two weeks of this I will be part of a clinical trial of a brand new type of chemo that targets cancer d n a. (exciting huh?). Then radiation for a few weeks and i'll be back to my normal life!

So.. I found out today that my first treatment will be two weeks from today following my short vacation to fla with Roger, my love and zack (my son) and his son, Garrett. The other not so good news was that within two to three weeks of treatment I will lose my hair, all my hair. Ouch!!! I have been letting it grow out for months for mine and roger's wedding this year (which we haven't set a date for). So much for those plans. Doesn't that just show that God laughs at our silly little plans! BUT the good part is, it will give me an excuse to go with my friend Angie "slum shopping" for hats and scarves. She also says that she will have an excuse to wear all her pink hello killy stuff! True friends are amazing like your Christian family!

Well, now you know what's going with my and why I started blogging again. It will be therapeutic for me and will give my friends a chance to keep up with what's going on, progress, look at bald pics etc....... I got the idea from an old classmate who was diagnosed in March and began blogging. Being reunited with her has a God send. Isn't it great how he puts the right people in our lives at the right time! But then he is God.!
I want to leave you with one of my favorite quotes Iread on someone's refridgerator

If God was small enough to be understood, he wouldn't be big enough to be worshipped!
Have a wonderful day. I plan on blogging from Destin the rest of the week.

"He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world."

Sunday, July 5, 2009

going through the valley to get to the mountain

Here I am a few months after my first blog. I have been divorced one and a half years now. I have learned that I can do things on my own such as moving, painting, using tools, popping the hood of the car etc... I now have my own little condo, 2002 beetle which i'm very fond of, new job, even new dog and new interest and zeal for life. I now know myself well enough to know what's important to me: God and people, not things. Peace and happiness are important to me as well as making ends meet but wanting more material things, no. I have found things that breathe life into me such as real praise and worship, relationship instead of religion, spending time with real friends that lift me up and lifting them up, and sowing seeds into the lives of others.

Also, I never thought this would happen but I have fallen into amazing and true love with someone from the same community that I never dreamed would happen? Isn't it amazing how God can turn your life upside down then right side up gain and it be better than before. It's kind of like taking a snow globe, holding it upside down shaking it then turning it right side up and it is prettier than ever!

That's kind of what God did to me!

When I began the process of divorce after 22 long years of marriage, I was scared to death. My marriage wasn't good but it was security. How would I ever make it alone? A wise lawyer told me that going into it , divorce is like a mountain in front of you, you can't see over or around it. But when you finally get to the top , you see there is a whole new world on the other side! I didn't believe him at the time, because i just knew my life was over and had in store for me. But guess what I'm on the other side!!!!

As far as my job, due to depression and emotional issues stemming from marital problems, I left a teaching career of 18 years about six months before my divorce was final. I took this time to refind myself and heal. God provided to me during this time when I was living on faith. When it was time to go back to work, I decided to change careers. I found out that when God closes a door in your life, he opens a window! I got this wonderful job as primary service provider and early interventionist for babies and toddlers for a program called "Babies Can't Wait" , I now have the opportunity to provide intervention to families. I soon realized that, although not very lucrative (I am independent contractor with no benefits) , this was my calling. It has been an amazing experience for me to sew into the lives of my clients! I have met the most wonderful people and the have blessed me tremendously.

Then about four weeks ago, my diagnosis. I want to write more on that later. Know this was long but I have a lot to tell! I hope you were able to stay with me!

God is good through it all!